My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
