The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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