She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
