I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What a fucking waste of an outfit
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
