my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
