So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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