More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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