he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
