The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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