Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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