What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
