I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
