$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
