u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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