He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
