i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
