I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
