i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
