Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
