He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
