My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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