Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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