You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
