In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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