im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
