just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
