Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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