last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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