My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
