yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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