i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
