i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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