No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
