I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
