sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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