how can u be prego again
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
