Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
