i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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