Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
