pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
