Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
