he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
