I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
