I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
