Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
