i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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