May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
