I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
