so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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