It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
