mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
